Tricky
Welcome to another adventure from the Thousand Acre Woods deep within Trollheim of the NJ Pine Belt! Tales Chronicled by Jonathan Hulton... That' me! Today's tale, I head to the Forked River Mountains to pull a trick or two on the Pine Wizard, Bruni.
Bruni had been playing tricks on Trolls and Pineys alike. It was about time to, maybe, turn the tables and leave him dizzy.
So, I travelled to the Forked River Mountains to look him up. I brought my sack along for good measure, for it was going to find him lacking.
I passed a few pigs on the way—which would have proved better company than his innate ability to boar through your brain.
His erudite expressions and grandiose demeanor were part of his con, fostering a condition of unease in most. I threw the pigs a few apples. One walked away looking like a Christmas ham I imbibed last Jule. I felt sorry; it could have been his cousin, for it was caught or stolen by Karl from these mountains. I just waved sheepishly as they plodded on.
I was cresting, and the forrest below was coming into view. I thought I should meet him soon.
I didn't have to wait long; he was rising out of the gorge created by the heavy rains last spring. He rose into view, almost floating up out of the steep descent singing, 'trum, trum, tralalei'.
As I came into view, I addressed him; "Fine afternoon we have today."
"Indeed, it is such a fine vastitude of magnificence of our fine solar friend this day, that, it seems auspicious our convergence, on this summit, in which I would be found at fault not sharing my windfall, nor the means I came about it."
"Before you continue, I have a wager for you."
"A wager, you say, pray tell me. What do you suppose to pull from your fine millinery?"
"Not my hat, but my sack—can you squeeze water from just one of these?"
Bruni looked sideways,"And if I can't—"
"Your fine windfall…"
I threw him a stone as I threw some others against the tree, dislodging leaves, and knocking bark to the ground.
Then I took some cheese out, the same color as the stones, and squeezed it until it was running off my hand.
As hard as he could squeeze, he couldn't make any water come out.
He was chest-fallen.
"Double or nothing?"
"Quite gregarious of you, my Good Samaritan. What is your wager?"
"An eating contest—if you would join me at my home, I have a fine pot of soup. If you can eat more than I, we will call us even, but…"
"Yes, yes, my friend—off we go."
In my house, we sat down at my table. I prepared a spoon and a bowl for each of us. Then I filled both bowls, several times, almost emptying my cauldron—he kept up until only two bowls remained. He almost ate as much as Thor drank that switched the world's tides.
"Wait, I need to loosen my belt," I said.
He agreed with my idea, and when he adjusted his buckle, his belly fell to the ground, and he smacked his face into the table before he was pulled under unconscious.
The whole time I was filling my sack as I tilted the back of my bowl into his view and pretended to shovel the soup into my mouth in a hurry.
If you like this tale, hit the share button below or just even tell your friend the old fashion way, with your mouth. Come back next week for our next tale.
We just released our first collection of Trollheim stories in print. It is available on this website at www.salemhousepress.com and Barnes & Noble. Pick up your copy today, pretty please with sugar on top...
Fiction/ Illustrated Fantasy/ Mythology / Scandinavian Myth/ Norse Sagas / Scandinavian Folk Lore / Coffee Table Book
Paperback: $45 | Hardcover: $65 | PDF eBook $5
Buy now link...
Following the Harry N. Abrams, Inc. tradition of the series that created Brian Froud's and Alan Lee's Faeries and Gnomes by Wil Huygen and Rien Poortvliet, we present you with what would have been the next book in the series: Trolls: A Compendium. Trolls—do you think you know what they are? Could you be wrong?
Trolls within Scandinavian lore, myth, saga, fantasy, and folktales are actually anything magical within our northern neighbor's culture. Richly illustrated in this volume are the tales of faeries, dwarves, nissen, huldras, gods, Jotuns, draugar, ghosts, and more. Also, this book introduces our readers to the world of Trollheim, populated by Nattrolls that escaped the 17th-century Swedish colony within the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Narrated by Christopher Jonathan Hulton, who lives in the Thousand Acre Woods just after the Civil War, their tales are filled with Native American lore and tales of their neighbor, the Jersey Devil.
Preview: Google Books
Hardcover: $65.00
PDF (non-flowable, best on tablet, desktop, or laptop) eBook: Download a copy onto your device today! Only $5.00